Black Swan
from the album "Black Swan"
Larry John McNally
"Black Swan" is one of my more recent songs. It hasn't been recorded by any other artists, as of yet. I write each song with the same love and care, but there's something about this one that shines a little brighter. I know that, in part, because people let me know what they think, whether I ask their opinion or not. People will let you know what they think of you, your music, your clothes, your haircut, your every opinion. It's an act of courage to go against the grain sometimes, not that this song breaks any boundaries in particular.
I first performed it live at a string of shows, 3 nights in a row in June of 2022, Two Feet Brewery in Bangor, Maine, The Hill Arts Center in Portland, Maine, and a show in Providence, Rhode Island. Each night, people commented that they loved the new song. Does that energy change the song in some way I wonder? It certainly gives me a level of confidence when I'm performing it.
Have you seen the Leonard Cohen documentary that talks about his song "Hallelujah?" It first appeared on an album that his record company refused to release. Later John Cale from The Velvet Underground recorded a version which Jeff Buckley heard and then recorded, thus launching the song into the public consciousness. Was the song as great when it first appeared and was ignored or has the recognition in some way given the song a deeper life?
I used to see Jeff at Sin-é in New York. I remember being there with Jesse Harris and commenting that Jeff was in trouble. Looking back at his life story and his life trajectory it was fairly obvious. He was a very handsome, charismatic lost soul, which made for a powerful magnetism that drew many to him. He drowned one night in Memphis in the Mississippi River under circumstances that probably none of us will ever know the details of, with certainty.
I don't recall why the imagery of a black swan came to me to match the mood I was feeling at that time. It was winter, me alone in my house feeling disconnected. The promise of a McNally Waters European tour was falling through. Someone was dangling tour dates in front of Harry if only he would help entice his father to be a part of some movie project they were hustling. Neither was going to happen. I had to lick my wounds on several fronts, regroup and move on.
When a song idea comes to me it rarely appears quickly and fully formed. Some take years to write and some are never finished. I write the lyrics first with some general sense of rhythm in my head. Only when I have a more or less finished story do I pick up the guitar. I like to see what others have done with the idea prior. There is a book by Eve Babitz called "Black Swan" and a movie with Natalie Portman that explores some of the darker side of emotional entanglements. I read about the myths surrounding black swans and swans in general. A black swan is also a term used to describe "an unforeseen event, that comes as a surprise, has a major effect, and is often inappropriately rationalized after the fact with the benefit of hindsight, based on a Latin expression which presumed that black swans did not exist."
It is a bit like painting a painting, mixing disparate elements into the perfect blend that captures a mood, transformed into the living breathing thing that a song becomes. I came up with a rhythmic figure and a few guitar harmonics that complemented the emotions in the poetry that I had written.
Black Swan
I’ve been in love before
It makes you crazy
I’ve forgotten how it felt
It burns down everything in its path
Including itself
In the morning
Watching you in the mirror
Putting your makeup on
I say a prayer for you
My Black Swan
Swans mate for life
They can die of a broken heart
Grief takes hold and won’t let go, no
Can’t we just skip over this part
Up all night until dawn
I say a prayer for you
My Black Swan
I pray like a child prays
Only when I’m in trouble
Hoping to be forgiven
For the mistakes I’ve made
That pushed you away
And if our little moment has come and gone
I say a prayer for you
My Black Swan
Yeah, I say a prayer for you,
and myself
My Black Swan
I've started collecting vinyl records again in recent years. It's my favorite thing to do in the cities I travel through, to go searching through record stores for rare treasures. One of my favorite songs is "I Say a Little Prayer for You" as sung by Aretha Franklin. The Dionne Warwick version is great, too. Those records certainly inspired me to write and record this song of mine. How wonderful to have someone in your heart that you wake up each day thinking of.